5 scary things for a Southern Belle

October 31, 2014

22  comments

halloween poem

 

Beware! Here are 5 scary things for a Belle. Read at your own risk . . .

Bad Hair Day1. No! Not a bad hair day! Anything but that! And the hair was bad enough without the torture of having scotch tape ripped from our foreheads! The pain! The agony! The shame! When will the horror end? We just want big, pouffy, happy hair like all beautiful girls everywhere. Is that so much to ask?  . . .danged bangs.

 

bad manners2. Bad manners scare the bejibbers out of us every time! If a beau fails to open a door,  hold our chair, or speaks ill of his Mama, or if thank you notes aren’t written for the silver pickle fork you sent your third cousin-once removed for her third wedding gift, it can cause a girl to gasp in fright! People like this were raised by wolves. Hooowwwlll!!! Mercy daisy!

 

chicken salad dk. meat3. Dark meat in the chicken salad? Is she possessed? Does she think we have nerves of steel? Does she know this reflects poorly on the entire club? Where was she raised? Who are her people? The next thing we know, her head will start spinning around and she’ll tell us she didn’t use Dukes! This is a meal fit for Zombies. Slide the chester-drawers in front of the door and hide!

 

white shoes before easter4. Gasp-ing-for-air. Can’t-catch-my-breath . . . tell me my eyes are playing tricks on me and she isn’t wearing white shoes to the Thanksgiving Cane-Grinding Gala. I’m dizzy . . . can’t-last-much-longer! Witches on brooms circling my head would be less traumatic. The White Shoes Rule is often confused with a White Shoes “Ghoul.” BOO Y’all!

 

Broken Pearls5. ALL-OUT-SCREAM!!!! Her pearls broke and bounced every-which-way, cattywampus all over the floor! Hot tears burst from her eyes and her sweet little ole’ heart nearly beat out of her chest. It’s a horror like no other, as you watch, in slow motion, Grandmother’s precious milky white pearls – the same color as magnolias and creamy grits – go bouncing all over the floor.

Paralyzing panic over precious pearls!

*

Absolute H-O-R-R-O-R!!!!

Bless our little Southern hearts on spooky Halloween!

FairhopeHalloween pumpkin

 

 

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  1. a friend recently sent me a picture of me and my sister taken when we were about 13 and 8….good Lord, I had the worst Toni home permanent…do you remember those? Mama would sit me on a yellow stool in the kitchen on Saturday night and give me one….surely I didn’t think it looked good?!?!? Thankfully I never had the “bad bangs” but I did have (and still do) bad hair days…in fact, I’m having one today!

    Happy Halloweenie!

  2. I just made a comment on Cozinest this morning that I actually heard someone use the term “chester drawers” the other day. I had all to do to keep from lol-ing. So cute.

  3. Too funny. I remember hair tape. It came on a dispenser just like scotch tape but it was pink with zig zag edges and it was stretchy. Cool stuff.

  4. Yuk Yuk! You are too funny.

    My Mama’s friend Lois Holley used to be the queen of the Toni home perms. Everybody went to her house to get their perms because she could roll those little curlers so tight your eyes would pop. We all sat on her back porch waiting for it to “take.” I only ever got one because my hair was so fine it was a total frizzy mess, and my mother decided it wasn’t worth any more of my fits. Anyway, Daddy was on my side.

  5. Bless our hearts! We sure do have our trials and tribulations! Wouldn’t change a single one. Why it’ud be jest triffling!

  6. Bumped my lap top and lost my first comment!!! Doesn’t that irritate you?

    I am chuckling about the “chester drawers” because I have heard that all my life and I must admit said it in the past. I realized seeing “chest of drawers “in print in a Home Ec class book that we were saying this wrong. I heard someone say this recently that was not from the south!!!!

    Cute post, Leslie Anne.

    1. Thanks. My grandmother once said she was, “all stove up from moving the chester drawers.” My husband about fell over!

  7. Too funny!! The dark meat chicken cracked me up – how true!! And the Dukes comment….. My mother firmly believed in Dukes! I’ve had many people tell me they haven’t heard of it… ever! How can that be???

  8. “Who are her people?” OMG, I laughed out loud at that one! As a native Floridian, I guess I technically qualify as a Southern Belle. Now I understand my aversion to dark meat in my chicken salad!

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