Quitting in the New Year
A friend recently asked several women to contribute a few words of wisdom to a book she’s creating for her teenage daughter’s birthday. Isn’t that a wonderful idea? She’s one of the best mothers I know.
I was honored to be included, and thought about what I wish someone had told me at that age, and this is what came to mind . . .
We’re often told to “never be a quitter,” but sometimes quitting is the most noble choice. When a situation or relationship no longer feels safe or aligned with your values, walking away isn’t weakness—it’s confidence. Leave the party. Dump the boy. Replace friends who don’t share your beliefs. In doing so, you honor God and quietly set an example others will notice more than you realize.
Of course, it’s possible to quit with kindness and charm. Other times, it’s appropriate to scorch the room and slam the door.
Was that too blunt? I imagine some of the other women contributing advice to the book offered lovely thoughts like “always send thank-you notes” (true), “look for the bright side of life” (also true), or “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (double-dog true, since it’s in the Bible). I was just aiming for something a bit more practical for a teenager.
As we start a new year, we tend to think about what we want to begin—learning a new language, joining an art class, starting a diet or exercise program, or even a unicycle club (yes, there really was one at our local middle school… so where are all those unicycle riders now that they’re adults?).
But alongside starting something new, it’s worth asking: is there also something you need to quit?
We often cling to groups, rituals, friends and habits out of fear of rocking the boat. The unofficial Southern Lady bumper sticker says it all: “What will people say?”
I’m a firm believer in teaching children to stick with something long enough to truly understand it. If they strike out at every game, maybe—just maybe—the last game of the season they’ll hit a home run. Hanging in there has real value. But every now and then, if it’s a toxic situation, we need to know that it’s okay to quit.
When change is necessary, and a situation no longer aligns with your beliefs, it’s time for change. Teenagers especially need to know that walking away can be both wise and brave.
This year, I hope you find new adventures, new projects, new surprises, and new people who make life feel fresh and exciting. But I also hope you’re able to shed the things that misalign with your well being. Every now and then, it’s okay to be a quitter—or at least take a break.
And as always, use extreme caution when scorching the room on your way out.
The end. – what advice would you offer a teen?
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I am sure you are an amazing mother-in-law and I loved this story. I was so sorry to hear of Bob’s parent’s deaths. They sure raised a good son – as did you x two!
Thank you – I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your family.
Leslie Anne, I really loved this. Your perspective on “quitting” felt so honest and freeing — especially the reminder that walking away can be an act of wisdom, not failure. I laughed at the “what will people say?” part, because that pressure is so real, and it keeps so many of us stuck far longer than we should be.
This was such a good reminder, especially at this stage of life, that peace, faith, and health matter more than appearances. Thank you for writing something that felt both encouraging and true.
You are right – appearances aren’t as important as we age – but for some reason, I absolutely love Hyacinth Bucket as she is “Keeping up Appearances!”
Oh wow! That was fantastic advice. The other things you mentioned are all well and good and I am sure many wrote those, but yours… practical advice that no matter the age will come in handy.
Yes, age has a way of making us wise. This rule about walking away from toxic situations gets easier with age – it’s hard when you’re young.
Thank you Leslie Anne for your always insightful and encouraging words. Best wishes to your expanding family in 2026!!
Dudley
Thank you Dudley. I’m definitely ready for new family members!
Leslie Anne, what wonderful advice you gave. You look gorgeous in that velvet dress! I am so sorry to read of the passing of your mother-in-law and father-in-law. They were a lovely couple pictured with your hubby.
Thank you Pam – I appreciate the kindness.
I hope 2026 brings you peace, happiness, thoughtful times, and plenty of time enjoying family and friends.
I (selfishly) hope 2026 brings another book from you; I have enjoyed reading all of them! They bring smiles, laughter, and enjoyment.
I think the advice given to the young girl was spot on. It is appropriate (and sometimes necessary) to quit a situation, a relationship. One comes to realize (hopefully) that life is too valuable and too short to stay in toxic situations or relationships, and that it is best to distance yourself from them. I teach high school history (for more years than I want to remember!), and I see too often, toxic relationships and situations ruin too many young people’s lives and minds. Better to learn from them. as you wave good bye. Yes, it is nice to remember the cute and (usually) important charming Southern words of wisdom, but a dose of gentle world-reality is also needed in these days. She will be a better person for it.
Thanks N. Teens have a difficult time with life these days, so I’m glad you agree with the advice. As for a book in this new year, I’m starting two very different books and we’ll see what the schedule holds. It’s never as fast as I’d like – thank you so much for reading, and thanks for the comment as well. Happy New Year to you!