It’s 35 degrees at high noon in my South Alabama home, which means I’m nearly dead. Fuzzy socks, scarves, sweaters, hot coffee, and my snuggly dogs keep me alive. There’s bubbling beef stew on the stove for dinner, if I live that long.
Of course, by the time you read this, Southern weather will have us all basking in a 75 degree sunny day, before it plummets into the 40’s again the next day. It’s a roller-coaster weather trick God uses to keep everyone from moving down here.
The first time I saw real snow in North Alabama, I cried because I realized that as a Southern child, I’d been duped, bamboozled, deceived and downright lied to on a biblical scale. Snowflakes weren’t 4 inches wide like they were on Charlie Brown’s Christmas Special where they drifted downward to the music of Vince Guaraldi and landed on children’s tongues. They didn’t look like snowflakes our teacher taught us to cut from folded pointy paper in my first-grade classroom, and surely, Mrs. Foley wouldn’t have lied to us about the authenticity of such a thing.
The snow swirling at Granddaddy’s house just south of Huntsville was more like what I saw on the man’s black turtleneck sweater on the Head and Shoulders commercials. “Look at the snow!” my Aunt cried. “Where?” I honestly asked. “There, see it swirling everywhere?” I didn’t see a thing because I was expecting glitter, shimmer, sparkle and shine on flakes as big as my hand, and of course, the arrival of The Snow Queen herself.
Northerners think we’re hilarious for not being able to drive on icy roads, and yet, we have no snow chains or one-horse open sleighs to help us over the frozen rivers and through the frosty woods. They snicker when we close schools and clear the shelves of bread and milk, and yet, I’ve seen major Yankee breakdowns when they’re subjected to humidity and love bugs.
If I had a dollar for every car with an out of state license plate, I’ve seen being towed out of the beach sand because they thought they could drive on it, I’d be rich. To be bold enough to chuckle at us for using our fireplaces and air-conditioners at the same time in order to achieve maximum winter atmosphere, is downright mean, considering they fall to their knees in prayer when they see a school of porpoise because they think they are rowdy sharks.
Walking with a hop-a-long gait due to sunburnt thighs, they still giggle because we don’t know how to ice skate, and yet, they don’t know they are at the “Gulf,” not the “Ocean.” And please, dear God, let me see one more tourist when seaweed brushes against their legs, because it’s the best show ever. Flopping around in the sand like a mullet, it doesn’t get any better than that.
We don’t understand them, and they don’t understand us. We think living in a snowy paradise would be like a year-round cozy Christmas movie, and they think living in the South turns them into Scarlett and Rhett.
It’s supposed to dip into the 20’s tonight, so I’ll wrap my Beagle in her doggie-blanket, then I’ll call my friends in Boston and tell them how tough I am to live through a freezing night in Alabama.
To see more photos of what Southerners think a dreamy snow day is like, click here: Baby it’s cold outside.
This story first appeared on AL.com and in their Mobile, Birmingham and Huntsville newspapers.
This was my week…75 and gin&tonics on the porch on Monday, the flood of the century and tornadoes on Thursday, and 4” of snow on Saturday. Do you know how many wardrobe changes that requires! Here in SC we have “half backs”…Yankees who move to Florida only to realize there are hurricanes, then move half way back up North which happens to be Upstate SC.
What a week! The one unifying element to all outfits? Pearls. (you knew that, didn’t you?) Extra credit points – what was the movie . . . “the difference between us and the animals is our ability to accessorize.”
Steel Magnolias! Duh, I did not think about adding Mama’s pearls to my tornado/flood/blizzard/spring porch-sitting outfits! Points deducted. Even Rosie, my dachshund, has been known to wear pearls!
Gotta love a dachshund in pearls!
We laughed all the way through this one! Thanks for the chuckles.
Birmingham is a freezing cold place, so I’m sure you understood! Thanks, and stay toasty warm!
Oh this was good Leslie Anne! And, spot on with a kick of hearty laughter. Good with my coffee this morning. Happy Saturday sweetie……….
Thanks Emily, and to you as well. Keep warm and toasty!
Oh! Leslie Anne, you are spot on with this post. This morning I a needed a good laugh and a smile and you gave it with your wonderful way with comparing the south and the north. What a wonderful world we live in, just need to stop and observe it.
Thanks Sue. You know I live in a split house of North vs. South, so it’s forever on my mind. “I played in the snow.” vs. “I played on the beach.” “Farina!” “Grits!” Never a dull moment.