Are You Ready for Some Football?

January 11, 2016

29  comments

Well, I woke up in Alabama, so that means there must be a football game tonight. Having friends from both The University of Alabama and Clemson University, I’ll (try to) remain neutral (at least in writing). The National Championship game will once again be fought out between two Southern schools, so here’s a reprint of an oldie, but definitely goodie. And may the best team win! 

 

For some, the NFL is the definition of football, but in the South, College and even High School football take precedence over the pros. For the love of all that is Southern and football, I have to share an oldie but goodie. It made the rounds years ago, and was actually one of the first things I remember reading on the internet. It made me laugh so hard, I nearly fell off my chair!  I have a friend who grew up in Chicago, and she didn’t see what was so funny – until she attended a Southern football game. (She was FLABBERGASTED!!!)

So  . . . I present to you . . .

The difference between a Southern and Northern football game.

Women’s Accessories: 
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary – that’s what dates are for.

Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they’re going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don’t want to see the few students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting “Game Day Live” to get on camera and wave .

Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by “Dave Matthews’ Band,” who comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day it becomes the state’s third largest city.

Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team’s mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for mixin’.

When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

The Smell in the Air after the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown.

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: “Nice play.”
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch – tackle him and break his legs!

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: “Wow guys, this certainly is a violent sport.”
SOUTH: Dagummit! You slow sumbitch – tackle him and break his legs!

Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game: 
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Fraternity houses are rockin’, and another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week’s game.

Do you like college football? If you aren’t from around here, do you think we are strange for liking it so much? Do you want to come with me to a game?

 

Leave a Reply

  1. Ain’t it the truth? I do miss those Southern games. People here near Seattle have no clue. I really feel sorry for them. Stay Calm and ROll TIDE.

  2. I appreciate your comparisons, but it doesn’t sound like you have been to a Nebraska Cornhusker game. We love our team, but are also friendly to the opposing team. You will experience Runzas and Valentinos pizza in the stadium. There are red helium balloons for the first touchdown and quite likely there will be a low flying jet just before the kick off. The stadium is a sea of red and it will be a challenge to find an empty seat. There have been years and years of sell out crowds and you will probably hear the chant Go, Big Reddd. It is quite an experience.

    1. I have never been to a Nebraska game – but yes, I have heard about them! Very impressive! If you eat a big bowl of grits before you go to the game, then you and I could be identical twins! Go Corn Huskers!

  3. Well all I can say is “ROLL TIDE!!” My husband who is from the north (bless his heart) is more into pro football and baseball. Since he’s put himself in charge of the remote, I rarely get to watch a bama game all the way through since we’ve been together. This is EXTREMELY annoying, but I’ve restrained myself very well. He is my husband after all.

  4. Roll Tide! I’m soooooooooo very ready for football. I’ll be parked in front of the TV on Thursday night. Oh no, my team’s not playing. . .but there will be Football on the TV!! I’m so excited. 🙂

  5. I realize that someone has already commented about Nebraska, but look at your own map! Which college is the biggest? I am not a native Nebraskan and have now moved to Texas. I agree that football is big in Texas, but nothing compares to Nebraska because almost every single person in the state is for Nebraska. There is no other major university football team and no pro teams. Even in Texas some are for Texas, A&M, or Texas Christian, etc. In Nebraska everyone has a Nebraska shirt on every game day…no others. The stadium becomes the third largest city in Nebraska on game day. I have lived in five states and nothing compares. GO BIG RED!

  6. What a great post on North vs. South football and I couldn’t agree more. Let me just conclude by saying “War Damn Eagle – Hey”!

  7. I am so ready for football. A little more than 24 hours before my Rebels kick off. And I shocked a co-worker in our CT office with the idea I was drinking whiskey to watch a game.

  8. This is hilarious!! I can totally relate to both sides, as I am from the North, but have been living in a college (football) town in the South for the past 5 years. While Virginia is not the “Deep SEC South,” it is a total football town and I have definitely had some awesome experiences.

    Becky 🙂

    1. I guess you’ve seen both sides of the fence with all your moves around the country! Thanks, and happy Monday to you too!

  9. So funny…in New England, schools were dropping teams due to lack of interest back in the early 80’s. When I went South to college, don’t laugh south was Maryland, football was a religion. Football on Saturday, church on Sunday, drinks provided… (wine) at both.

  10. Leslie Anne,
    what a hoot, so funny but so true! After living in NC for 10 years, (grew up in CA), moved to Green Bay for 3 years and was amazed at the football spirit there! It was pro, not collage but if you weren’t a fan, by the time you left you definitely were a convert! The whole town transforms when there’s a game, Packers all the way! My boys were little at the time, one of the players lived in our neighborhood, all the kids would go stand in front of his house and he’d come out and throw the football around with them. Even the police that would drive thru our area would stop and pass out football cards to all the kids. It was a great experience living there but do love being back “down south”, especially in TN!
    Rebecca

    1. I think the weather in the North prevents many people from attending the games. At least I would be hesitant to sit in snow to watch my team. I’ve heard about Green Bay’s strong fan base. It’s funny how pro vs. college and even vs. some high school programs vary from region to region. Glad you’re back down South in Tennessee! I think they may have a football team or two in your area! Ha!

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