Houses reflect the people within, so it makes sense they are in a constant state of growth and change – whether we like it or not.
In our first house, my husband and I crawled around and installed safety plugs in all the electrical outlets. We wired the house for monitors and bought non-toxic furnishings made of all natural materials, lest one of our perfect babies decide to gnaw on the leg of a chair.
The house changed again when we moved the baby bed to storage, added big-boy beds and stopped locking down the toilet seats. We raised the temperature of the hot water heater, no longer afraid of anyone scalding themselves and removed the baby gates from treacherous stairs.
But now, the next phase of household adaptability is in play, but this time, it has nothing to do with the children. I’m traumatized that we’ve had to replace the small, tasteful clock in the bedroom with a large-screened device with giant glaring numerals. It’s a sad sign of redecorating yet to come.
The old clock had dainty, soft luminescent numbers we never really paid attention to, because the only time we ever really looked at it, was when we wanted to know if it was time for The Tonight Show. We slept like rocks until the next morning, and didn’t think about the clock at all.
But eventually, the old timepiece started giving us trouble. One night, we were wondering if our son had returned home from an out of town football game and my husband groggily asked, “What time is it?” I opened one eye, then the other, tried to focus and said, “It’s 11 o’clock, no wait, 8, no, it can’t be 8, I think it’s 3:37.”
“Do you know what time I think it is?” he asked. “I think it’s time you get glasses.”
Of all the nerve. “I’m just sleepy.” I told the rude man in my bed, who by the way – please note, was asking me to read the time for him.
But he was right. The smudged clock numbers suddenly looked like evil little red eyes glaring at me in the dark. The more I tried to decipher the jumbled glow, the more it jolted me into a wide-awake state. And to add insult to injury, as if loosing my eyesight wasn’t bad enough, I suddenly started waking up more often in the middle of the night. Since I couldn’t see the clock, I had no idea if I should try to go back to sleep or go ahead and start breakfast. It was like living on the Space Station and having no concept of time.
I finally broke down and bought a new clock that claimed it was “visible for those with poor eyesight” which may as well have said “for those nearing death.” The numerals were not only as large as my hand, but also had a glaring blue light so bright, I feared an F-18 was going to land in the room. Even though my husband doubted my sensitive and delicate thin eyelid condition, he kindly covered the face of the $10.99 clock with $5.00 worth of tinted plastic film so it wouldn’t keep his aging princess awake. The numerals are still large enough for me to see without sending bright warnings to approaching ships. Now in the mornings, our new game is to give each other an accurate play-by-play of our evening activities.
“I had to get up at 1:14, then the dog was snoring and woke me again at 4:30.”
“Well, did you hear that car outside at 3am? I couldn’t get back to sleep until around 4:10.”
The new clock is just the first hint of what is sure to be a slippery slope into the next phase of changes around the house. The next thing you know, we’ll be installing hand rails above the bathtub, removing all the throw rugs and clapping the lights on and off.
But at least I’ll be able to tell you exactly what time the lights go out, because it’s all just a matter of time.
This story first appeared in The Baldwin Times.
You want to really rock your world?! They have clocks that shine the time on your ceiling. Ours is placed on my bedside table and a nice digital time is on the ceiling whenever I look up. If you really want to jazz it up, some of them flash time and temperature from outside!
Once upon a time, I could see quite clearly and then this nasty thing called age smacked me right acroos the face and Bam…I too need size 96 font and the bright light s Vegas just to read a clock. I feel your pain.
I am chuckling! Would you believe that our big numeral clock had the nerve to wear out? Guess we’ve needed glasses a long time.
yesssss! My husband and I are at the play by play stage also……….”did you know it rained at 3:10 this morning?” “Yes…I heard it because I was up getting a drink of water.”. We argue about who got the least amount of sleep……like Name That Tune (remember that show?)…..I bet I didn’t get but 4 hours of sleep last night………I bet I didn’t get but 3 hours of sleep last night. Sorry….I’m rambling on this comment……but I didn’t sleep much last night………heehee. Loved your post!!
Very funny Lisa, and how true! The only other time we would have conversations like that was when we had a baby waking up at night, but now that I think about it — we were somehow able to go right back to sleep!
I am right there with you Leslie Anne!! I have seen a clock that projects the time up on the ceiling so you do not have to even roll over to see the time. I am seriously thinking of purchasing one!
I’ve seen those too, but I think it would keep me awake all night!
i just read this out loud to my husband as it sounds like us….especially the play by play conversations in the morning!
i was in your neck of the woods yesterday visiting with our son. we passed the Piggy Wiggly you wrote about a while back and my son said “that’s a new Piggy Wiggly mom”….I smugly said I know, my blog friend told me”!
Oh, how funny! So glad you identify and I’m not alone. And I know your son was totally impressed with your vast knowledge of the Piggly Wiggly! Hang with me girl, and I’ll fill you in on all the important things!
This is so funny but I understand your pain.
Good, because misery loves company!
Honey, you have no idea what awaits.
It’s a fast and slippery slope from here, I’m afraid!
Leslie Anne… you are too funny! I’m way ahead of you in this age thing and I will tell you, it doesn’t get better.
I have at least 60 pairs of reading glasses around the house and in all my purses. They were all purchased at none other than the Dollar Store. They are one of the few stores that carry 3.25 strength. The Mister wants to contact the show Hoarders. Have a great week.
I try hard not to get the readers, but I’m onto the Dollar Store trick. My husband said for the $30 I’ve spent there, I could get one nice pair from somewhere else. I like having them tucked here and there so I know where they are!
Ha, ha! We have the identical Spartus clock…and will soon need a replacement. The lights at the top of the 5 have gone out! Many, many years ago, my aunt had the coolest clock. It projected the time on the ceiling so you didn’t even have to turn your head (unless you’re a tummy sleeper!) Personally…IF you have to have a clock…I prefer the old-fashioned ones. But they need winding or batteries and probably don’t glow in the dark, either. Mostly, I keep my phone by the bed and poke at it for the time 🙂
Oh, I can never find my phone and end up knocking everything off the nightstand trying to locate it in the dark!
I’m in trouble!
ha, growing old ain’t for sissies!