I Need A Southern Siri

Hometown favorite, Tim Cook, CEO Apple, Inc.

This weekend, our very own Alabama hero, Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, was kind enough to box up a new iPhone 5 and ship it to me. Me and bazillion other people around the world.  Tim was a very busy man.

The new leader of Apple grew up right down the road in Robertsdale, Alabama and graduated from Auburn University.

With these strong ties to the heart of Dixie, I have two questions for Mr. Cook.

Siri is described as a “personal assistant” who can locate movie information, provide maps, text, call and play music all through voice recognition – totally hands free.

My family and friends have been playing with Siri all weekend and laughing our rear- ends off with how she interprets things we say.  In all honesty, she’s pretty dang close on most exchanges.  I asked her, “Where can I find some good grits?” Siri quickly replied that she had found a list of ten local restaurants close to me that served grits. That’s a whole heap of grits within a mile or so, and I don’t even think Waffle House was included. No Waffle House? Now that’s just wrong.

Siri doesn’t know any Jerry Clower jokes, and when we asked Siri how to cook boiled peanuts, she kept thinking we wanted to go BOWL something. (She may as well be my northern Mother-in-law) She also had no answer for how to make sweet tea, and although she offered to look it up, she never got back to me.

Siri also does not like to discuss Jesus and doesn’t know most standard hymns. And remember to say “press” the buttons, not “mash.” Siri hates that.

When I asked Siri to find the lyrics or music to the University of Alabama fight song, Karen Carpenter started singing, “I’ll say good-bye to love, there is no tomorrow for this heart of mine . . .”  Huh????  She didn’t even know Auburn’s “War Eagle”, from Tim Cook’s alma mater! Perhaps we were just having a communication issue.

Regional iPhones would be a great invention. Instead of directions in miles, Siri could tell us to go “down yonder a piece and turn left where Fred’s Tire store used to be.”

We finally thought we would show Miss Siri some southern kindness, so we said . . .

I swannee, it’s true. My Mother- in -law is Siri.

I’m going to put her to work and see if she can find a Gulf Coast location for a new Apple Store.